


A Horse of a Different Color

by DizzyDrea



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-01
Updated: 2011-04-01
Packaged: 2017-10-30 09:34:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/330300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DizzyDrea/pseuds/DizzyDrea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her eyes were telling her to believe, but her mind simply refused to accept what she was seeing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Horse of a Different Color

**Author's Note:**

> So, O’Neill likes “The Wizard of OZ”, and they never did an episode about it until Season 10?! What’s up with that? It’s been years (and I mean years) since I’ve seen it, but some things you just don’t forget. Consider this my little gift to those of you who simply adore Dorothy and company.
> 
> I own no part of Stargate; I make no money from this. I do this for fun and for practice. Mostly for fun.
> 
> Originally posted at fanfiction.net.

~o~

Colonel Jack O’Neill sat bolt upright in his sleeping bag, eyes screwed shut and arms flailing wildly over his head. Daniel Jackson, who had been reaching for the coffee pot, froze mid-motion, staring at his friend, not quite sure what to make of the strange gyrations he was now seeing.

Suddenly, Jack stopped flailing and sagged in his sleeping bag. Daniel cast a glance at Major Samantha Carter, sitting across the fire from him. She was staring at O'Neill, a frown creasing her brow, her MRE forgotten in her hands. Teal’c, who had been sitting next to Daniel repacking his gear, merely raised an eyebrow when Sam turned her questioning gaze on him.

All three turned to look back at Jack, who was now digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to rub the sleep out of them. He ran his hands up through his graying hair, causing it to stick up at odd angles.

“Bad dream, Jack?” Daniel asked, a hint of sarcasm edging his voice.

“Coffee,” was all that Jack would say.

Daniel poured his friend a cup and waited for Jack to join them at the fire. Once seated, he took the cup offered and sipped at it quietly, seemingly still lost in his dream. This concerned Daniel, because, although not a terribly talkative person, Jack was usually fully alert when they were off-world.

“You okay?” he tried once again.

“Yeah, I just—yeah, I’m fine,” came the reply, but Daniel wasn’t so sure. 

He looked at Sam, seated next to the Colonel, and saw his own concern reflected in her eyes. She gave a slight shake of her head, letting Daniel know now wasn’t the time or place to get into it. Daniel frowned and pursed his lips, looking down into his now cold cup of coffee, but kept silent. It would take them the better part of the morning to reach the village they’d been told about yesterday. Plenty of time to question Jack.

The team set about finishing up their MREs and breaking camp, going about their duties quietly but efficiently. They set out in the direction of the village, the Colonel setting a brisk pace in hopes of reaching their destination by lunch.  
They had been told by the residents of the village behind them that, if they wanted to talk to someone who could speak for all their people, they would need to make their way to the largest village in the area. It would take them half the day to get there on foot, they’d been told, but they would definitely find what they were looking for. Jack still wasn’t sure why they were going. P8Y-292 didn’t appear to have any redeeming value—no mineral or naquadah deposits, no advanced weapons—but as Daniel was fond of pointing out, it paid to have lots of friends.

As they walked, Daniel dropped back to pace Jack, who was bringing up the rear. They walked in silence for a few minutes, until Jack could stand it no longer.

“Just ask, will ya?” he grumbled, knowing Daniel couldn’t contain his curiosity much longer.

“I’m just concerned, Jack,” Daniel told his friend, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “You’ve never had a nightmare off-world before.”

“It wasn’t a nightmare,” Jack returned, slightly irritated. “It was a…really weird dream.”

“Okay,” Daniel rejoined. “Care to share?”

“No, Daniel, I don’t care to share,” Jack said forcefully.

If it were anyone else, Jack’s tone of voice alone would have caused the questioner to back off. Daniel, ignoring Jack’s tone, pressed on.

“Jack, you were flailing around like you were being attacked by a swarm of angry bees.”

“It wasn’t angry bees,” Jack said without thinking. “It was flying monkeys.”

Daniel stumbled a little before recovering. “Flying monkeys.”

Jack hung his head when he realized what he’d said. “Yes, Daniel, flying monkeys.”

“Okay, maybe you should start at the beginning,” Daniel said, casting a puzzled glance at his friend.

Jack took a deep breath and sighed in defeat. He knew now he wasn’t going to get out of telling them about his dream. He only hoped they would still respect him when it was all over.

“I dreamed we were walking towards the next village, all of us, side by side,” he began.

“Okay, so far it doesn’t sound weird,” Daniel commented.

“Teal’c was wearing some kind of bear-skin cape. Looked really good in it too,” Jack continued, details of the dream blooming to life in his mind. “You, as usual, were wearing that ridiculous do-rag you love.”

“Hey!” Daniel chirped.

Jack gave him a warning glare. “It’s my dream,” he said. 

“Right, sorry. Please go on,” Daniel invited.

“Anyway,” Jack went on. “This time, your do-rag was silver lamé. Went with the grey suit you were wearing. I was wearing my favorite jeans and a flannel shirt.”

Sam, who was walking several paces ahead of them, laughed then abruptly came to a halt when she realized where this was going. Turning, she regarded her commanding officer with suspicion. Jack stopped in front of her, Daniel beside him, just waiting for the inevitable.

“And I suppose I was wearing pigtails, a blue gingham dress and ruby red slippers?” she practically yelled at him. This caused Teal’c to stop and turn to see what was going on, his eyebrow raised in curiosity.

Daniel gave her a puzzled frown, while Jack looked everywhere except at Sam. “They weren’t slippers, they were…combat boots.”

“Well,” Sam huffed, clearly not appeased. “That’s better,” sarcasm dripping from every syllable.

“Wait, let me get this straight,” Daniel began, reality finally dawning on him. “You dreamed we were in Oz?”

“Yeah,” Jack said, still not looking at anyone.

“And where do the flying monkeys fit in?” he asked once again.

“I believe that Dorothy and her companions were attacked by these monkeys on their way to the Emerald City, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c put in from his place a few paces off.

“I didn’t know you’d seen that movie, Teal’c,” Sam said, turning questioning eyes on her friend.

“O’Neill and I watched it two nights ago at his home,” he informed them.

Daniel smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand, realization finally dawning. “So you dream about flying monkeys and us dressed up like Dorothy and the rest because you saw the ‘Wizard of Oz’ the night before we leave on a mission?”

Jack heaved another sigh. “No, Daniel, I didn’t have that dream because I’d watched that movie the night before the mission.”

“Sure sounds like it to me, sir,” Sam put in, a smirk playing at her mouth.

“For cryin’ out loud,” Jack shouted. “Did you see those people yesterday? Or was I the only one who noticed they looked a little…short?”

Daniel and Sam locked eyes, minds working furiously. They had both noticed that the occupants of the village were “little people”, if truth be told, but neither had given it any thought.

“It is true that the inhabitants of this world appear to be small in stature,” Teal’c observed, moving to stand with his companions.

“See?” Jack said, gesturing at Teal’c. “At least someone saw it.”

“However their clothing is vastly different from the Munchkins of Oz,” he finished.

“Aargh,” Jack growled. “Let’s just get moving. I don’t want to be walking all day.”

With that, the group took up their previous positions, with Teal’c in the lead and Jack in the rear, Sam and Daniel walking side by side.

“So, you really dreamed about Oz, Jack?” Daniel asked, turning around to walk backwards so he could get the full effect of Jack’s frustration.

Jack frowned. If looks could kill, Daniel, by all rights, should have been dead ten times over by now. “Yes, Daniel, I really dreamed about Oz. Satisfied?”

“Oh, quite,” Daniel rejoined, turning to face forward, smiling and laughing, catching Sam trying to suppress her laughter out of the corner of his eye. “Just the thought of you with straw poking out of your clothes has made my morning.”

“You had to rub it in, didn’t you,” Jack called out.

“What are friends for?” Daniel tossed back over his shoulder.

“Just keep moving,” Jack finally grumbled, hoping that he could get out of this mission with his dignity intact at the very least.

~o~

A little more than an hour later, they topped a short rise and saw the village in the distance. It was a collection of rough-hewn buildings, bland in color and, except for the few people they could see milling about, appeared to be mostly deserted.

“Ah, the Emerald City,” Daniel observed, unable to resist a jab at his friend.

“Daniel,” Jack gave a low warning.

“Careful, Daniel, I think Mr. Scarecrow is getting angry,” Sam put in, casting a glance and a smirk at her CO.

“Okay,” Jack said, loudly. “Let’s get this over with so I can go home and die of embarrassment. Daniel,” he turned to his friend. “You take point.”

Daniel, realizing he had better leave Jack alone at this point or risk being left behind, strode off down the hill, headed for the village. Jack fell into step with Sam, and Teal’c, taking his cue, brought up the rear.

As they approached the village, they could see more activity. People could be seen bustling about from building to building, some carrying baskets or pots, some farm tools. They paused as one, just outside the village, taking in the surroundings.

Suddenly, across the central square, a man appeared with a horse. But it wasn’t just any horse. The animal had a pale blue coat with a deep, royal blue mane and tail. Behind that animal, another was being led by yet another villager. Only this one was a bright, iridescent pink.

The four members of SG-1 stood rooted to the spot, staring in total incomprehension at the sight before them.

As if on cue, Daniel was the first to speak. “Ah, is that…”

He trailed off, but Jack was already there. “A horse of a different color,” he stated with certainty.

“Can’t be,” came Sam’s reply. Her eyes were telling her to believe, but her mind simply refused to accept what she was seeing.

“Indeed it is,” Teal’c confirmed. 

Jack shook his head, yanked off his sunglasses and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. When he opened them again, the same two horses could still be seen being led across the square.

As one, the team looked down at their feet, seeing what they had failed to notice before. Not long after they had descended the hill into the village, the dirt path became a cobblestone road. Cobblestones that shimmered a golden yellow in the bright midday sun.

“That’s it, I’m outa here,” Jack declared, turning around and heading back the way they came, stuffing his sunglasses back on his face. “I’ll see you guys back at the ‘gate.”

“Wait, Jack, shouldn’t we at least talk to these people? It’s what we came all this way to do,” Daniel said hurriedly.

Jack stopped and turned around, his sunglasses masking his expression. “Daniel, you stay and talk. I’m goin’ home.”

And with that, Jack turned and started walking.

Sam and Daniel looked at each other, then they both turned and looked at Teal’c, whose eyebrows had nearly climbed off his face. First Sam, then Daniel, gave a shrug and set off after O’Neill. Teal’c, his face impassive, followed behind them.

~o~

When they finally reached the ‘gate, it was nearly sunset. Without saying a word, Jack, Sam and Teal’c fanned out around the ‘gate, checking for intruders while Daniel dialed home.

As the ‘gate spun around, searching for the proper symbols, Daniel and Sam looked at each other, each debating whether or not to ask the question on their minds. Finally, Daniel decided he would be the one to ask. 

“So, Jack, what do we tell General Hammond?”

Jack rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to come up with an answer. He’d been thinking about it all the way back to the ‘gate. If they told the General that they’d seen a horse—make that two horses—of a different color, they’d all be put in rubber rooms.

The team was gathered around him, expectant looks on their faces. In the time it had taken them to reach the ‘gate, they had each come to the same conclusion: if they were honest in their mission reports, no one would believe them. They’d seen some strange things “out there”, but there was no explaining this.

Coming to a decision, he turned to his team. “We tell him that the natives were nice, but there’s nothing of value here. If he wants to send a team back to negotiate a treaty or whatever, that’s up to him.”

“I agree, sir,” Sam put in.

“Sounds good to me,” came Daniel’s reply. “Lord knows I don’t want to go back to that rubber room.”

Teal’c inclined his head. “Indeed.”

The familiar whoosh of a wormhole being established caused them all to look towards the Stargate. The lure of home was great, even though they’d only been gone for 24 hours. Sam reached over to her right wrist and entered the Iris code as the team made its way up the steps to the event horizon.

Jack paused before stepping through and turned to the others. “And no one mentions any of this, right?”

“The horses? No,” Daniel returned, just before he stepped through. “But the flying monkeys? That’s…a horse of a different color.”

And with that, Daniel stepped through the event horizon and disappeared.

“Daniel!” Jack cried out in frustration as he followed the rest of his team home.

~Finis


End file.
